McCartney's Lament  by Patrick McCartney

I would open Queen pawn or king's knight before
I'd ever again dare open e4.
I told the British man "Hey Mon,
It's too lame to play the Caro-Kann."
Overagression is bad and makes positions look bleak,
which is probably why the Sicilian seems so weak.
Let's get real here, I'm no jerk,
I'd have to go crazy to play the Pirc.
Quit the trash talk, you're full of balonga,
there's no soundness in the insane Benoni.
Benko's a nice guy, I met him in person,
but playing his gambit has made my game worsen.
I like counterplay and hence not inclined
to walk into the bear hug of the Queen's Gambit Declined.
Then there come defenses where success does hide
if you really want to win from the black side.
There's nothing like attack, I love it so much
hence my success in the Leningrad Dutch.
You won't find me with body odor while sitting on the bench
but you will find me winning with the almighty French!